You need to decide if this is a philosophical piece on the right of society to use execution as a punishment or if this is a research piece about countries that use execution as a punishment. You say that statistics say this or statistics say that but you offer no proof nor do you offer a comparison before vs after the use of executions to prove your point that execution as a punishment in Egypt actually is an effective deterrent. I would ask you, as a teacher, how do you know these things? and did you consider whether the rates of the crime are simply low in that culture or country. I would also ask you to talk about the means of execution. Is it public? what kinds of crimes is it used to deter and you talk about people then being able to get out of jail and co-exist in society when the reality is is that rates of recidivism are very high for violent criminals.
If this is to be a factual essay, then this essay needs to be reorganized in such a way that you introduce the purpose of execution in the selected country and posit a question as to its effectiveness. Talk about the rates of crimes, show statistics from before and after the law was enacted. Then do a comparison with crime rates in other like countries that may or may not have the death penalty and talk about the results there both before and after the countries enacted executions as lawful punishment.
If this is a philosophical piece, then you have much more freedom to talk about whether it is effective, sends the right message, i.e. whats the difference between individual murder that the murderer thinks is warranted vs. state sanctioned execution that the state believes is warranted.
As you re-write it you need to figure out the goal of your essay. It is never a good idea to mix God with statistics. :)
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