Ender's parents were indicated for smart children, and so the military monitored their children, looking for a specific blend of ruthlessness and compassion. Their first two children were on the two extremes, and so they were allowed to have a Third child. When speaking with Graff, Ender realizes that much of his life, including his conception, was planned:
"So my parents love me and don't love me?"
"They love you. The question is whether they want you here. Your presence in this house is a constant disruption. A source of tension. Do you understand?"
(Card, Ender's Game, Google Books)
Ender's parents love him as they love their other two children, but the planning behind his birth is too much for their family to handle. His older brother resents him and his status as Third makes him a target of bullies. In that sense, Ender's parents want him to succeed, but they are unsure that they can give him stability and nurturing with his innate problems. Instead, they make the difficult decision to allow him to attend Battle School; they know that he is needed to defend the human race against the Buggers, and they also know that this will give him a chance to be exceptional instead of merely good, as he might be if he stayed home.
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